Dotted lines, inconsistency’s in ink or paint – depending on where they were – one false move and you could slip right through the break. Leaving you unable to come back and have things the way they were.
I guess I should have thought things a bit more – with logic and not my heart – when Hamilton forced me to sign on the dotted line, sign the papers that would take away my immortality and make me this weak and human girl.
But I didn’t, not a second thought or regret crossed my mind when I wrapped my arms around him and felt his warm skin against mine.
Gone. All of it. I’ve nothing left, signed it all away with a flick of my wrist. But why?
For love…I think.
Is that what mortals call this feeling that’s lurching in my gut every time Lindsey leaves to go on some mission against Angel, another screw to his plan.
Or maybe it’s this feeling in my gut that I had since they took him away… I’ve forgotten how many day’s it’s been, one day it too much for me. No, I’m not some clingy girlfriend or anything but Lindsey is just not ‘gone’ or ‘away’ somewhere.
He’s in some Wolfram and Hart holding cell and they’re doing only hell knows what to him. I can’t stand the thought knowing what I know from being liaison to the Partners and knowing that he’s down there…alone. And oh god – he’d never admit to it – scared.
I need him. I have to be near him, somehow. Touch him, hold him. Have him hold me while we lie to each other and say it’ll be ok when we both know it won’t be. As long as Angel is around nothing will ever be ok again.
The papers were signed, I was human – weakly mortal – and things weren’t making a lot of sense anymore. Pieces and parts were becoming blank and empty when I tried to remember them. Things and people that I should remember were now fuzzy and illogical. It didn’t make any sense, nothing did.
There was only one clear thought that I still had – and I clung to it like it was all I had left, because it was – that was Lindsey. He is the one memory that I knew to be true, the one image inside my mind that didn’t fade or go blank when I thought of him.
But there were other things – things I’d learned about him through the firm – that I didn’t or couldn’t remember anymore. Things I knew that I knew at some point were gone, like someone had taken the etch-a-sketch and flipped it over, erasing everything that was there. But if you looked close enough you could see the faint traces of what once was there.
Out of pure desperation and need I made a few phone calls and managed to find a way to see him, to be near him and hear his voice. I needed to, I needed to know that he wasn’t some memory that was going to fade like everything else seemed to be.
I was terrified – the girl who never got scared…before – of walking into this building, but I did. I had to, for him. Everything I did was for him, all of it.
Someone or something must be on my side because everything was there, like I asked. Harmony actually accomplished something that was asked of her, color me shocked. Maybe that’s because I told her the way to forge the blood tests the firm does so she can go back on the human diet.
I slipped on the uniform – that was only two sizes too big for me – and hid the second one under the shirt. Dropped the keycard into my pocket and slipped the hat on, hoping not too much of my hair was sticking out before I set in. I knew full well that if I were caught they would do things to me nobody could imagine.
But I still went.
Looking around I finally saw it, the idle tapping against the bars to a song I knew was his, I saw his hand wrapping around one of the bars at the end of the hall and it took everything inside of me not to sprint.
Can’t, won’t. They’ll know. I can’t let them know, if they find me they’ll hurt him. That can’t happen, protect me to protect him.
Taking measured breath’s I walked as slow as my body would let me down to his cell. I stood in front of him, nothing but two inch round bars separating us from each other. It felt like he was so far away and that I would never be able to reach him again.
Licking my lips and tucking my hair behind my ear I looked down, almost afraid to speak out of fear that I would wake up. “L-Lindsey…” I breathed, my eyes meeting his as I dug my nails into my palm determined not to cry like some weak mortal…even if I felt like one.
[Open to Lindsey]